To get back into this writing thing

My exercise instructor says that she takes three sessions to get back up to where she was after a long hiatus. I will probably take a few more posts to get back up to the level of production that I was at, so please bear with me as I struggle through this.

In my hiatus I began to miss writing, and then in recent weeks, I was actually craving publishing something. I think publishing a thesis does that to you, you get hooked on writing, even though it nearly kills you, you inherit an insatiable thirst for the iterative process of editing. That's what all those crazy writing teachers were talking about...

Writing does something to you. It makes you feel powerful and smart, yet really self conscious at the same time. I was thankful to complete my thesis at a distance because the thought of seeing my prof's face while he was reading some of my drafts made me cringe. Keeping it all electronic made it clean and less intimidating, which this does too. So if you are reading this, just don't comment, just read and enjoy or hate it, whatever just be anonymous, ok? Thank you.

I have always considered myself an artist. I thought I was a very creative person. That was until I was told by a company that I worked for briefly, that my personality is not creative, rather innovative. Innovative people can take an idea and make it happen. It really shook me, I started to consider if I was truly creative or just a really smart thief for the majority of my life. I argued with myself for months, and I still don't know which side has won, am I creative or innovative?

My creativity can be expressed in my clothing, and the way that I dress, but that would be innovative since it's taking someone else's creations and putting an ensemble together, whereas being creative would mean creating a garment, and the thought of sewing an outfit has the potential to paralyze me, so I am innovative. But then I think about how I have a very difficult time of communicating logically and I say that I am creative. It was a tough blow to my creativity, while a real boost to my innovative side.

This question of creative or innovative came during my least creative time, it was in the wake of the thesis defence when I was planning my next step in my career path. I was so exhausted from the output of writing constantly that I needed to walk away from producing anything. I gave up journal writing, and though I had some inclinations toward painting during that season I couldn't muster the energy to come up with a colour palette to start with (that's how I start all of my paintings). I felt as though my creative energy had been exhausted. So you can see why I was shaken.

Enough time has elapsed and the urge to write has returned. I just have to find a way to get paid to do that. Isn't that always the case, you find out what you love, but you need to figure out how to pay the bills.

That's all.


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