to fight perfectionism

I used to struggle with perfectionism. I also struggle a bit with all or nothing thinking.

For a long while I thought that if it wasn't perfect, it was a complete failure. If it wasn't the way that I imagined in my head, it wasn't meeting anyone's expectations, especially my own.

Despite striving for it I also knew that it was unattainable. Perfection, pffft, there is always another way to do anything.

I had to learn to replace perfection with satisfaction.

Enter the white canvas shoes.

I live in the prairies, it is always dusty here. White shoes don't stay white for very long. And if they are canvas you have about an hour of gleaming white canvas. I loved the sharp contrast of the white against my skin but I was so concerned about wearing them. What would happen to them? What would be the first spill?

Then the all or nothing thinking: once they've been tainted are they no longer pristine? Could I continue to wear them if they aren't perfect? Would they become the glass slipper that I never wore? Too scared to shatter them.

I took matters into my own hands and decided to splatter paint on them. Choosing to be the first to ruin them and make them camouflage any drips, drops, or splatters.

I started by thinking I would keep the tongues white and splatter the rest. But then I thought to follow the stitching allowing it took look cleaner and more intentionally splattered.

You can always add when you're painting on white but it's much harder to subtract. I covered the areas around the opening of the shoe with duct tape, it's waterproof, and what I had in my drawer, so I used it. Necessity is the mother of invention.

I took a very thick brush that could hold a lot of water and mixed up different water colour paints and holding the dripping paint brush over the shoe I tapped it on my other finger to make it splash on the shoe. I had control over the first mess that was made on these pristine shoes and it made me very happy.

I knew that I would be happy with the shoes because the water colour was subtle enough without having to compromise the pop of the white sneaker.

And you know what, one day, I honestly don't know when, I dripped something on them and I didn't notice. Sometimes we have to trick our brains out of perfectionism.

Happy splattering.

That's all.

*PS this is not an ad for Keds, I just really liked the shoes and the lesson that came out of this process. 


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