Home renovations make you fight

As we are nearing the end of this house renovation experience I think that this is the time to offer up my clearly laid out advice... do not, I repeat, do not do renovations as a newly wed. Mmm k?

I had heard from people, before we got married, that we were brave to take on a renovation after our wedding. To be fair, I moved into the renovation. I didn't have a choice in the matter. My husband had bought a house with his brother and they were working on it together.

I asked them at a supper break recently if they knew what all they were getting themselves into with this endeavour. They didn't, and they admit that had they had known, they would turn and run the other way. That said, they both admit how much they have learned throughout this process. I myself have learned a ton of things about home building. We know too well that 1950s bungalows don't have a 90 degree angle anywhere; moreover, we have learned life lessons, lessons in patience, in trusting God, and total reliance upon God, because the weather really likes to mess with any plans you make. And my husband and I have learned to fight.

We are still in the newlywed window. One year and a few months into marriage I think we've had more altercations than most married couples approaching the five year mark. The things that would have taken years to get to know have been concentrated into this tight space. We call it the pressure cooker. We are stretched thin, and still getting to know each other in a high stakes decision making process. I have been living here a year and still my socks and underwear are in a bag, that's enough for a fight every other night.

We had a fight last weekend about which box to put the garage stuff in. Obviously (if you are a woman reading this) you should know that the fight was not about the box. It was much bigger than that, but I'm still learning that men, for the most part, are not subtle creatures.

We've had to apologize to my husband's brother on several occasions for putting him in the middle of our arguments. Or for duking it out in front of him. We sometimes pretend that he is our child and hide in the bedroom to quietly discuss our issue, then come out and say, "We were having a fight" to which he responds with a look that says, I am not an idiot. We've done it so much that we just come out of the room now and say "We're not getting a divorce and we love you". He is good natured about it. I had to tell him the other day that marriage isn't just fighting. He has just started dating a girl, and I wonder sometimes if we're a form of discouragement for marriage. Not exactly poster people for the most sacred of sacraments.

We are both passionate people, and stubborn, and I have had to swallow my pride on a few occasions. Let me tell you, sometimes I think I'd rather drink shards of glass than swallow my pride. But when you put the other person first, blah blah blah.

If you're about to get married, just avoid renovations for the first couple of years, ok? You will thank me later. And don't worry, we're honestly nowhere near getting a divorce.

That's all.


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