to go back to teaching, again *now with a career quiz*

I'm sure you're wondering if I just like to repeat myself. I quit coffee, then I drink it, then I quit it. And apparently, I do the same with teaching.

I had been wondering not too long ago if what we set out doing we are bound to do. Can a tiger really change its stripes? I have taught in some capacity ever since I finished university and just can't seem to help myself. But it's different this time.

I have spoken of trying to not be such a millennial and follow the old beating, bleeding heart, and work for money. I say that, though, knowing that I am a natural teacher. I try not to be a condescending one; I just cannot help but disseminate knowledge. Once I've read an article I must bring it up in conversation, or store the information for when I need it next. It's all about sharing what I've learned *this blog* through life. But just because it is what I will do does not mean it is who I am. I have had such a hard time with identity in recent months. We are so defined by what we do, The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry) said it best, 

Grown-ups love figures… 

When you tell them you’ve made a new friend 

they never ask you any questions about essential matters. 

They never say to you 

“What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? 

Does he collect butterflies?"

Instead they demand 

‘How old is he? How much does he weigh? 

How much money does his father make?’ 

Only from these figures do they think 

they have learned anything about him. 

I have worked hard to avoid asking the question, "What do you do?" upon meeting someone. Part of it was because I didn't want to divulge that at this point in life I still have very little idea of how I will go about doing exactly what it is that I want to do (which is also a work in progress). I confided in a friend that I have held onto some things in the past simply because I didn't want to admit that I was only a substitute teacher. She replied by saying that I am so much more than that, I am a wife and a friend, and blah blah blah, I don't think she realized that she revealed that being a substitute wasn't enough in her attempted encouraging statement. Simply choosing to work as a substitute made me enough. I am enough. You are enough. In whatever capacity you are in, that's enough.

See, I can't resist a teachable moment.

I made the choice to sub back in January because I wanted to give my head some space to explore. I have a tendency to grab hold of anything and make it THE THING. I chose to "say no" and downsize the things in life that were taking up my attention to get a better understanding of who I am and what makes me tick. I chose to focus on fewer priorities well. It was a bit of soul searching, of sorts, I guess. I wanted to determine the priorities I had in life instead of simply seizing any and every opportunity that came up.

After subbing full time for a few months I realized that I had missed it. I enjoyed interacting with kids and feeling purposeful at the end of a day. There have been difficult days and easy days, but I saw what I was missing by not giving my all to something. I had been half-heartedly toe-touching so many things in pursuit of THE THING that I was missing out on what it was like to be immersed in something.
Photo courtesy of unsplash

When the dispatch system changed and I was no longer being called on the daily to teach I started to panic. I wondered where the month's income might come from and it pushed me further into the seeking mode. I thought that I would have to start looking for a new job. I prayed and googled. I came across a career examination quiz - who doesn't love a good quiz (I'll link it down below). After you answer a series of questions you read the top three highest responses to see where you should find employment. Turns out, I'm addicted to that "new-new",  I enjoy being able to be creative, and that I'm a people person in that I can make things happen with a team... none of which was surprising. It was interesting to have it held up in front of my face. I hadn't had it articulated before. I know I am an ADD cheerleader that can't help but help people find their thing. To read it in positive terms that framed it around the things I gravitate toward was eye-opening. I knew it but I didn't know it. 

In the midst of the job-search-career-quiz panic a woman I had met briefly while subbing offered me a job. A short contract that isn't for full days. It's about as non-committed as a contract can be. I started this week and I wish I could tell you that I feel alive and exactly in my calling. I can find a purpose in each day. And I can see where the gaps are and fill them. I like it. For now, liking it is enough and it affords me the space to still explore. Using what I learned from the assessment I look for ways to make this gig fit what I like to do, where can I be creative, help people, try new things, and be part of a team.  I don't need to find the exact fit right now, instead, I need to fit into it the way that I wear it best.

That's all.

I didn't forget: The Quiz



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