to make a list of things that short girls cannot wear

I really enjoy making lists. I think that they are fun and very helpful. I like to prioritize and organize things and lists help me to get 'er done, whatever 'er might be. I also like compiling lists of favourite things, and lists of not-so-favourite things. I enjoyed a good list but lately, everyone and their dog is making a list. A list of pictures, a list of cool things from the 90s, a list of the worst first dates, a list of the best lists. It's getting to be a bit much. Maybe I just need to take Buzzfeed off of my twitter feed.

This is a bit surprising coming from me because, as I mentioned, I love lists. It's kind of funny because when I am at work and we're working through characteristics with a group of people I always laugh when we get to the part where the lead person asks, "if you like lists put up your hand", and then just to be sure she adds,"you like lists so much that if you did something that wasn't on your list you'd go back and write it on just so you can have the satisfaction of crossing it off." And you can see the ripple of list makers in the crowd laughing and mimicking the act of crossing something off a list. They do it every single time. And then they nod, and laugh, and put up their hands as if to say amen. List makers get a boost of dopamine just from scratching or checking something off rows of tasks.

I'm trying to figure out what it is about lists that our current culture is thriving on. Are we lacking organization and craving those things that we can tick off of our lists? Or is it that we are just too 'busy' with all of our internet and social media things that we need to see things really quickly and not necessarily have to read, or consume the whole paragraph under the list?  I guess what I am asking is, are we just super lazy?

I am asking myself this too. I have become too lazy to read articles. I will read the title, and then skim the introduction, zip down to the first sub-heading and if it doesn't interest me I scan to the next, and the next, to see if a paragraph worth reading, then I will stop and read it. The culture of fast-paced media has made me a compulsive list-reader. I have turned articles into lists, simply seeking to get the  most amount of information in the least amount of time. Storing the things that I need to know and disposing of the fluff around it.

This is disheartening to me as a writer. I don't use pictures or headings. I tell stories. My information can't be scanned for the pertinent information, it's meant to be enjoyed. I started this list a couple of years ago, before lists were cool (a hipster blogger, how unique). So here goes, this is a list of things that short, or petite, girls cannot wear.

1. Tunics. They are too long and we end up swimming in them, they might as well be a dress.

2. High-waisted bikini bottoms. Let's face it, you might as well wear a one piece if you're going to try to rock this style because the bottoms will reach your top.

3. Wide leg pants. This one only works if you are willing to wear sky-high platforms and even then it is best left for our friend in the 5'9" range.

4. Maxi dresses without alterations. If you're not willing to shell out the extra $20 for a quick visit to your tailor you'll end up tripping on your dress, or ruining it by walking on the hem constantly. Or, worse, you'll look like you're from Gone With the Wind, constantly holding your skirt up at your knees.

5. Bermuda shorts. This one drives me nuts. I worked at a school where you had to wear knee length everything, which I am fine with, but I cannot wear bermuda shorts. They make my short legs look like sausages. I wore pedal pushers or pants and sweated it out in the classroom. I sincerely believe that the shortness of your shorts should be in proportion to your height. The taller you are - the longer your shorts can be, the shorter you are - the more likely it is that you will be able to get away with less fabric comprising your shorts.

6. Anything that is overly draped in a grecian style. This one hurts, because I love the grecian look; long flowing hair with a really romantic pastel crepe fabric dress. Nope, can't do it, I look like a 5 year old and slightly overweight, or worse, pregnant. Pretty much anything that adds bulk to your frame with fabric should be cut into bits and never worn again, as it will look like you are a child that stole your giant friend's blanket and wrapped it around your body.

7. Crew neck shirts. Wear them if you want to look like a 10 year old boy.

8. Crop tops. Ok, so for this one I think that absolutely no one should wear a crop top unless you are on a beach, but short people can put it on their list indefinitely. Really, there are just some styles that should fade into oblivion and if I find the person who keeps resurrecting the crop top I will have some choice words to say to her/him.

9. Overalls. This one, for me, is in line with number 8, unless you want to look like a bad stereotype of a farmer, avoid overalls. Again, especially with short people, overalls make us look juvenile and, sadly, again, very pregnant.

10. Bad capri pants. I love pedal pushers from the 50s, you know the ones that are fitted through the leg and stop in that just right mid-calf area. But capri pants are a big no for me, and by this I mean pants that were cut off and hemmed at the mid calf that have a slight flare to them. They almost look like someone shrunk them in the leg, but miraculously they fit everywhere else. These are just awful on the vertically challenged. They make us look like we are Oompa-Loompas.

This list is not exhaustive, and I know that no two bodies are identical. This is just my list, in the age of lists, and come to think of it, the lists fad has passed. I guess I'll have to make this into a quiz... Which Oompa-Loompa are you?

That's all.


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