To tell you about my internal dialogue the night I had a tick
After quadding you have to check yourself for ticks. Ticks are like teenage boys, they like spots they shouldn't like and are pests. I have to not only look, but because I am covered in moles I have to also rub my body thoroughly in order to suss them out. Thankfully I was clear. My boyfriend had one on his ankle but he found it soon enough that the jaws of life weren't called.
I came home, showered, and climbed into bed. I had a big smile on my face because of our lovely evening. I wrote it all down in my journal, turned off the light and fell asleep.
At 2:37 I woke up with a start. I didn't check between my toes. Why I woke up thinking that at that time, I don't know, but I immediately stuck my finger between each toe in the dark.
Then, I felt it.
It was a hard disc like thing on my baby toe. My heart started racing, I had to do this.
Me: "Maybe I could call my boyfriend?"
Me in reply (MIR): "It's 2 in the morning!"
Me: "He would come."
MIR: "And I'd wake up my roomie."
Me: "So, what am I going to do?"
MIR: "We're going to man up and deal with this thing!"
Me: "How do you take out a tick without waking a roommate?"
MIR: "How should I know?"
Me: "Alright, I'll google it."
MIR: "What if it shows pictures, I hate pictures of ticks."
Me: "Ew! Why did I say that? Now all I can think of is swollen ticks inside people."
MIR: "And lyme disease."
Me: "Thanks, that's not really helping."
MIR: "OK, google says to suffocate it in oil."
Me: "I can do that"
MIR: "What if it wiggles?"
Me: "It probably will, but do I want to wait for the morning and get lyme disease?"
Me: "Alright, let's do this."
So I got up, walked in the dark to the kitchen, quietly got a bowl out of the cupboard and filled it with oil. I took it into the bathroom, closed the door, turned on the light, and set the bowl in front of the toilet.
Me: "Rats, I should have brought my phone in here, google said it would take up to ten minutes."
MIR: "You can handle ten minutes."
Me: "I guess it's time to look at this blood sucking vampire that is stuck to my toe."
MIR: "Deep breaths, I can do this."
Me: breath, breath, breath
Then I took my foot to my knee and looked down. Only to see that it was a piece of dead skin from an old blister.
MIR: "Ha ha."
Me: "This will make a great story."
MIR: "Ya, but good luck falling back to sleep after this adrenalin rush and light exposure."
Me: "Hey, aren't I glad it's not a tick?"
MIR: "Not really, I wanted to conquer this."
Me: "Of course I would say that."
MIR: "Go to bed."
Me: "Go to bed."
Me: "Did I or did I not just survive a life threatening battle with lyme disease?"
Then I stayed up thinking of blog posts to write because I couldn't sleep.